Storm
by WeepingintheTardis
Summary: Or alternatively: The 5 times Nicky tried to kiss those red lips and the 1 time... Set after 4x06
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own OITNB, I just get to play with the characters.**

 **AN: I've been wanting to do a 5-1 fic for some time and I'm dying for fluffy Nichorello fics, so here's my contribution.  
Takes place right after Nicky returns from max and follows the storyline from season 4 with my own adjustments. Lightly inspired by Lifehouse's song Storm.**

* * *

 _How long have I been in this storm?_  
 _So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form_

Nicky was dreaming. It was the only possible explanation. One moment she had been glaring at Stella over breakfast, then the CO's had barged into the room and told her to pick up her few personal belongings from the dorms. Next thing she knew she was being steered into the van. The drive up the hill seemed to pass ten times faster than the way she'd made down. That now seemed like years ago, while it was actually three months. That was the way max messed with your perception of time. The Spanish girl -Maritza? Was that her name?- had been driving and had left her with no directions whatsoever. So now Nicky was standing in the middle of the all too familiar hallway with nothing more than a toothbrush to hold on to. She must be dreaming, because even in a drug induced state her brain would not be able to come up with this. Besides, she was sure the effects of last night had long worn off.

Dreams of these halls lit by the yellowish fluorescent lights had been haunting her. The endless corridors providing no way out. She could reach the door at the end, no matter how hard she ran. They would always appear from around a corner, Luscheck and Caputo, to capture her and sentence her to max. Suddenly all the inmates were watching, whispering to each other. It always ended with a scream. Lorna's scream that became her own voice as she jolted awake drenched in sweat. Then she realised where she was and that is was just a dream, that it would not happen. It already had.

Shaking off these thoughts, Nicky tried to ask one of the officers where she had to go. She didn't recognise the man, but instantly disliked him as he didn't bother answering and told her to keep the traffic moving. Looking around she realised that everyone around her was doing just that. It was like they didn't even notice her. The only single person that stopped to talk to her turned out to be crazy. This wasn't Litchfield as she remembered it.

Without knowing what she was supposed to do, Nicky decided to just let her feet take her. She moved through the crowded hallways, -had there really been this many inmates when she had left?- unease settling in her stomach. There were so many of them, so close, free to stand wherever they pleased. It was so different from max, where everyone was constantly being bossed around. She had almost forgotten how easy her life had been here,relatively speaking.

Some of this inner turmoil must have shown on her face, because she became increasingly aware of the stares. With more determination than she actually felt, Nicky squared her shoulders, lifted her chin and put on her usual slightly bored expression.

"Nichols?"

Nicky froze. She knew that voice. And fuck, she only now realised she had missed it that much.

"Vause." A grin spread over Nicky's face as she turned to see her black haired friend push her glasses up her hair. "You better not be part of one of my fucked up dreams or I'll come up to personally kick your ass."

"Oh my god." Alex ran up to her. "I thought I'd never see you again."

The air was forced from her lungs as Nicky was being pulled into a tight hug. The strength of Alex' arms was surprising and for a second Nicky had trouble breathing.

"Careful" she panted. "Or this joy might be short lived."

Alex laughed and loosened her grip, holding Nicky at arms length. "I can't believe you got out of that hell hole."

Nicky grinned sheepishly as realization slowly began to dawn. She really got out. "Yet here I am." She spreaded her arms. "Risen from hell."

"What, you're like Satan now?" Vause laughed, shaking her head.

"Please." Nicky scoffed. "He was an angel once."

"Good point."

They grinned at each other madly. Litchfield seemed to have changed a lot, but between the two of them it felt like no time had passed at all..

...

After Nicky, with Alex' help, had found out which bunk she had been assigned to, they went down to the A-dorm to get her installed. Alex helped her to get most of her old belongings, or what was left of them, that had been distributed among the dorm back. Nicky was filling her locker when footsteps approached and stopped right outside her bunk.

"Vause?" she called, rummaging through the small pile of reclaimed objects. "Have you found my hairbrush yet?"

No reply followed.

Nicky sat back on her heels, pushing a string of curls behind her ears. "I swear if I find that-"

The words stuck in her throat.

In the opening to her bunk stood a small woman dressed in oversized khakis wearing bright red lipstick. Her arms were crossed in a defensive manner, her head firmly raised as she looked down at the woman crouching before her.

"Lorna." It came out harsher than intended.

"You're back." Morello's voice was low and hoarse.

Nicky swallowed and stared back, not sure if the woman was angry or on the verge of crying. "I believe am."

"You…"

Nicky waited, not able to take her eyes of her friend. She hadn't prepared anything to say. All those hours she had spent thinking about what she had left behind, had not prepared her for this. What was the point of imagining what to say to friends upon returning if the possibility you would see them again was nihil? Apparently she was not the only one unprepared for her return.

Lorna shook her head, expressions changing as if she couldn't decide which emotion was going to gain upper hand.

Nicky decided to help her. "Hey, if you're mad at me, just spit it out."

"I'm not." Lorna laughed shakily. Tears were welling up in her eyes. "Okay, maybe I am."

"Oh, come on. Don't cry. You can't cry while you're being mad at me."

"I know." Lorna surged forward, dropping to her knees. Letting herself be caught by Nicky's strong arms she buried her face in the wild curls.

Nicky, even though she saw her coming, was thrown off balance and toppled over. She landed hard on the floor, back slamming into the wall, but if it hurt she didn't notice. Her focus was completely on the small girl in her arms.

"I thought you'd never come back" Lorna sniffed, tightening her grip. "I missed you so much."

Nicky rubbed her back and pressed her cheek against Lorna's head, inhaling her scent deeply. It smelled like home. "I missed you too, kid." she whispered. "I missed you too."

Lorna smiled as Nicky moved and briefly pressed her lips down on the top of Lorna's head. She sighed contently and shifted to nuzzle against Nicky's chest.

The silence that settled over them was easy. It was perfectly fine, Nicky thought, to just sit here for the rest of the day. Lorna's body, draped over her, was pleasantly warm and the steady rise and fall of her chest was soothing. Nicky hadn't felt this peaceful for a long time.

"Oi, lovebirds!"

"Fuck off, Boo."

Nicky smiled as Lorna managed to bend her arm in such a way she could flip the other woman off. "Hey, Boo. Long time no see."

"I thought about paying you a visit, but I like it a bit too much in here" Boo shrugged. "I thought you might be looking for this."

She briefly held up a hairbrush before tossing it on the pile.

"I was." Nicky frowned. "Where did you get that?"

"Oh, you know, I found it." Boo grinned. "I've been quite busy keeping our business going. Made sure the ladies haven't missed a thing."

"Good thing I'm back then." Nicky shot back. "I'll give them something they will miss."

Lorna giggled, eliciting a cocky smirk from Nicky that didn't go unnoticed.

"It must have been hard down there." Boo's grin widened as she pointed at the two of them."You've been back for an hour and you're already trying to get laid."

"Stop that." Alex, who had just returned, hit Boo over the head. "Honestly, if all you can think about is sex, it makes me wonder how long it's been for you."

"Actually-"

"Nevermind." Alex cut her off. "I don't want to know."

Boo shrugged, raising an eyebrow suggestively and turned to leave.

"Good to see you too, Boo." Nicky smiled, knowing that bantering was Boo's way of avoiding to say anything slightly emotional.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I came back to tell that Norma and Gina are spreading the news so we can throw a little welcome back party."

"Thanks." Nicky nodded.

"You're welcome." Alex walked out of the bunk. "The others will be waiting, so if you two are done here…"

Nicky felt Lorna move to get up, so she tightened her grip to stop her. "No, wait."

Lorna sighed. "We'll have time later. I'm not going anywhere."

"Come on…" Nicky looked at her pleadingly. "Just a moment. They can wait a little longer."

Instead of leaning back against Nicky's chest, Lorna sat up and looked down at her with a worried look in her big brown eyes. "Are you okay, Nichols?"

Nicky suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. "I've been down the hill for three months, do you really have to ask?"

Lorna shook her head. "I'm sorry, that was a stupid question."

"Nah, it wasn't." Nicky said softly, "In fact, I should've asked you."

Lorna shrugged.

"So." Nicky smiled lightly. "How've you been?"

"Okay, I guess." Lorna shrugged again. "I mean, it's different without you here, but okay."

Nicky nodded, reaching out to push a strand of hair behind Lorna's ear. "I've really missed you, kid."

"You said that already." Lorna smiled, leaning into the touch.

"But it's true." Nicky said, her voice merely a whisper. The hand on Lorna's cheek was guiding her closer. There were many good reasons why she shouldn't do this, and especially not now, but Nicky wasn't thinking straight. Closing her eyes, she bent forward to close the gap.

"We should go." Lorna pulled away from her.

Nicky's eyes flew open, searching Lorna's in confusion.

Lorna avoided looking directly at her as she scrambled back to her feet, her face flushed. "We should go." She repeated, "I'm sure Red is dying to see you."

* * *

 **AN: If you like it or have any suggestions how to improve my writing or how to continue this story, please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**!Trigger warnings!: Implied self harm**

 **AN: I'm loosely following the storyline from season 4. A small part of the conversation (taken from 4x06 and 4x07) isn't mine. Note that flashbacks are written in italic. Enjoy! (and don't forget to leave a review if you like it or have a comment)**

* * *

 _Water's getting harder to tread_  
 _With these waves crashing over my head_

…

 _"You, cleaning lady. We need a mop in room 12."_

 _Nicky's step falters as she realizes whose cell this is. Nothing could have prepared her for what she sees.  
There is blood on the walls. Big red smeared patches with lines where it dripped down to the floor. A magazine lies on the floor, shred into pieces with drops of blood scattered over it._

 _It isn't hard to guess what happened._

 _The magazine Nicky left there is still here._

 _Burset is not._

 _Add one to the other and-_

" _Where's Burset?"_

 _There is still a chance that… But nobody would tell her._

 _Nicky cleans up the mess. How she manages to do so without throwing up is beyond her._

 _That night she lies awake. Images of blood stained walls seem to be imprinted on her retina._

 _One thought keeps coming back, no matter how hard she tries to push it away._

 _It was her who gave Burset that magazine._

 _Nicky hasn't felt this sick in years. To be precise, not in three years. Not since she came to Litchfield._

 _..._

As Nicky followed Lorna through the familiar hallways to the common room, she grew nervous. Red, Lorna, Chapman. Nicky had really been selfish not to look for her family as soon as she had gotten here. It was not that it hadn't been on her mind. There had been a constant nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she should go look for them. But not knowing what to do or how they would react was scaring her and making her reluctant to find them. She felt claustrophobic, like invisible walls were closing in on her.

In the end it had not been anything to be worried about. Everyone had been nice to her, hadn't bothered to ask questions about max and had made her feel welcome. But the real homecoming had been the warm embrace Red had given her. No words had been necessary. No words could explain how much Nicky had missed this.

Lorna had stayed by her side the whole time, clinging onto her like Nicky would vanish if she dared to let go. Nicky didn't mind the attention. She was glad that her friend stayed close, a constant factor in the mess of this unexpected reunion.

It was clear from the behavior of the CO's and the impressive amount of new inmates inhabiting the prison that a lot had changed since she had left. The overall effect was quite overwhelming, so Nicky was glad when most people had disappeared and she no longer felt obliged to stay. She walked out of the room, intending to go back to her bunk and lie down for a bit.

Lorna followed and slid her small hand into Nicky's, gripping it tightly and looking up at her with a large smile. "I still can't believe you're really here."

"Me neither." Nicky chuckled warmly. "But I believe I won't disappear if you loosen that death grip a bit, kid."

"It's not that." Lorna pouted, loosening her grip on Nicky's hand a tiny bit. "I just want to make very sure you're not doing anything stupid and get thrown back in there."

"So you're like what? My babysitter?"

"I think I'd be more like your conscience." Lorna mused.

Nicky grinned. "I don't think my conscience likes me very much."

"But I do." Lorna said cheerfully. "And so does Red. I think she could be like your conscience too."

Nicky rolled her eyes. "I think I'll stick to my own conscience for now. You can be my babysitter. It suits you better."

"Okay." Lorna said. "But I'm still not letting go of you."

Emphasizing her words, she put her arm around Nicky's waist, pressing them even closer together. Nicky, who hadn't expected the strength, stumbled and tripped and it was a good thing Lorna had her otherwise she would have ended on the floor for the second time that day.

The world turned almost upside down and slowly back to normal. As Lorna used all her strength to guide her back to her feet, Nicky wondered briefly what kind of logic that was. If Lorna hadn't pulled her, Nicky wouldn't have tripped. Could she then conclude that it was a good thing Lorna was holding her and preventing her from falling?

She shook her head, feeling a bit dizzy, like sitting up too quickly in the morning dizzy. Probably the lack of sleep. She blinked and the stars clouding her vision drifted away until Morello's face came into focus.

"Thanks." She mumbled. "You know, kid, if you wanna be my conscience you should be more careful."

"I'm sorry." Lorna said earnestly. "I'll work on it."

"You'd better." And because Nicky felt happy and her mind was still a bit foggy, there was nothing stopping her from ignoring the inmates around them and moving in to put her lips on-

"Nicky!"

Immediately Nicky backed away. Too quick. She had to grab hold of Lorna's arm as the stars came back and faded again. Realization of what she had tried to- For the second time even- But she didn't get time to properly think about it as she heard her name again.

"Nicky!" Red -since when had she been standing there?- waved her over. "We need to talk."

"I'll see you later." Nicky told Lorna and released her. Was it the lights or did Lorna look paler than before?

Nicky felt the eyes of more than one inmate follow her as she followed Red back through the hallway.

"What's up, ma?" Nicky asked as soon as they were alone in the small office adjacent to the kitchen.

"She didn't tell you?" It was not so much a question as it was a statement and for Nicky, who was expecting a reprimand related to- No, she wouldn't think about it now- Red's comment came completely without context.

She looked at Red in confusion. "What?"

"I was afraid so." Red sighed. Reaching behind Nicky, she closed the door.

"Okay…" Nicky leaned back, crossing her arms and eyeing Red suspiciously. "What's going on?"

"Did you look at Lorna, Nicky?"

"Eh, yeah…" Nicky shrugged in response, not sure what Red was getting at as the woman had clearly seen the two of them together just yet. "I mean, she was with me the last hour or so, so I saw her, obviously."

"That's not what I mean" Red grabbed Nicky's hand. "Did you really not see it?"

Nicky pulled her hand away, becoming slightly irritated that Red would not get to the point. "Look, obviously I missed something, but I'm tired, so just say what you're trying to say, okay?"

"She's married." Reds hands moved up to grip Nicky's shoulders. "Lorna is married, Nicky."

It took a few moments before her brain had processed the words and reacted with an appropriate response.

"No." Nicky shook her head. "She can't be."

"Do you think I'm lying?"

"But…" Nicky stared at her in disbelief ."It's only been three months. Even Lorna wouldn't…"

Red smiled wryly. "She did."

A million questions arose in Nicky's mind. Why marry? How could she do that? Who did she marry? What made him so special that it happened so soon? Why hadn't Morello told her? Back when she had been obsessed with Christopher, she couldn't stop talking about him. Knowing Morello, if she was married, surely she would never shut up about the guy. Yet she hadn't uttered a word about him. All Lorna had said was that she was glad to have Nicky back, all Lorna had done was keeping Nicky close with those surprisingly strong hands.

A cold sensation ran down Nicky's arm, settling at the places where Lorna had been touching her. Shivering she pushed Red's arms away.

"Please tell me at least it isn't Christopher." Her voice quivered and she knew that Red noticed by the change in her look. "Tell me she choose someone better."

"His name is Vincent." Red said softly. "As far as I can tell he's a pretty decent guy."

"Good." Nicky ran a hand through her hair, trying to compose herself. "That's good, right?"

"It's good she found someone." Red shrugged.

Nicky nodded, more to convince herself than in response.

"I don't understand. She never shut up about Christopher. Why wouldn't she tell me? Why would she act normal like we're still-" She wanted to say 'together', but realized that she and Lorna had never officially been together.

Red shrugged. "She might have her reasons. I'm sure she's going to tell you."

Nicky shook her head. "A lot has changed here, eh?"

Red sighed. Taking a step forward, she pulled Nicky in an embrace. "You don't know half of it, Nicky."

Nicky tightened her arms around Red's back, holding her closer.

When they had taken her back up the hill, Nicky had expected to come back home. It was a lot to take in, coming back here and finding out that this wasn't the same Litchfield she left. And now this. Part of Nicky wanted to run as far as she could, back to MAX where she at least knew the drill and where she didn't have to deal with all this. Another part of her wanted to cry and sleep until it was all over. At the same time, being held by her mother, who was gently rocking her and stroking her back, nothing could feel more like home. Nicky closed her eyes, fighting the tears that were welling up, but having to accept that one of them escaped.

"I'm so glad to have you back." Red whispered.

"I know, ma." she pulled back a little and smiled at Red, almost shyly. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, honey." Red reached up and swiped the drop away with her thumb, leaving her hand on Nicky's cheek. The gesture meant more to her than Nicky could describe with words. In this moment Nicky was as vulnerable as a child and Red was her mother that knew exactly what she needed to feel better. Nicky closed her eyes, pressing softly against the hand.

A firm knock on the door brutally ended their moment.

"Red!" Mendoza called. "We need a hand here."

Then the moment was over. The hand left Nicky's cheek and patted her shoulder.

"You look tired." Red stated. "Have they assigned you a bed already?"

Nicky nodded, quickly wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "Put me straight back in the dorms."

"Maybe you should get some rest." Red opened the door and gently guided Nicky out of the kitchen. "Don't be too hard on Lorna."

…

" _I'm here about the thing."_

 _The guard senses her unease, but it's too late to back down._

" _You understand the payment?"_

 _Nicky nods. She has made her choice._

 _The guilt she pushes away as a firm hand brings her down and she tells herself that this is penance enough. In truth she knows the consequences as well as all the reasons why she should not be doing this. She also knows she just can't stand the pain anymore._

 _When she has finished, the guard roughly pushes her away. Nicky's arms buckle and she hits the ground._

 _The guard buckles her belt. Nicky tries to crawl away from her. Looking down at Nicky disgustedly, the guard tosses her the package and leaves without saying another word._

 _She feels sick. Disgusted by the guard, but even more by herself. Her fingers scramble for the small bag, lifting it to her nose. Very briefly she feels relieved. Then realization hits in a wave of nausea. This time she does throw up._

…

The common room was crowded with inmates. Red's family, friends, generally nice people that Gina had encountered in the hallway, all happy that Nicky had come back. Or maybe just happy that for once they had a chance to eat something that did not come pre-packed. Whatever the reason for the smiles, Nicky didn't really care. She had eyes for only one person in the room.

Angie Rice was dancing enthusiastically, holding cake with one hand and a . She and her partner in crime, Leanne, were effectively blocking the way and drawing attention to themselves. Of course the meth heads wouldn't let a chance to eat some cake pass.

Nicky tried to act relaxed, but her hands were clenched into tight fists. Lorna's warm body pressed against her back didn't help. Before it had been comforting knowing she stayed close, but now, after her talk with Red and Lorna's confirmation over dinner -she hadn't said another word about it- it felt wrong. Nicky's gaze slid back to Angie, pressing her nails pressing into her own skin. This was her chance to get a good night's rest, to simply let go of her troubles in a moment of bliss. At the same time, she knew she shouldn't give in. There were a thousand reasons why she shouldn't. Least of all that she knew how it would end.

Red had said she shouldn't be too hard on Lorna. What did that mean? Nicky wasn't even sure how she felt. Above all, she was confused and hurt. But was she also angry? Did she feel sad? A combination maybe. But that didn't even come close to a description of what was going on in her head.

"Oh, no, what're they doing here?" Lorna's groaned complaint disrupted her thought process.

Despite how Nicky was feeling, Lorna's comment elicited a small chuckle from her. "It's the common room. Now, you can't keep out the commoners."

"Well, we don't have to give 'em cake." Lorna pulled a face. "Dirty shower pooper."

Nicky wanted to comment on this, but was distracted by sister Ingalls and Gloria who had maneuvered through the room in their direction and had been lingering a few feet from them, trying to get Nicky's attention. As Nicky turned, feeling a slight loss for Lorna's touch on her back, sister Ingalls spoke for both of them.

"Nicky, I heard you worked cleaning cells in Max. Any chance you saw Sophia?"

Burset.

 _Blood on the walls. Shredded pages of a magazine on the grey floor._

Nicky nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I saw her."

"Yeah, and?" Gloria insisted.

 _More blood on the floor._

" _Where's Burset?"_

"And I don't know what to say, all right?" Nicky snapped, clenching her fingers into tight fists. "There was a shitload of blood. They had to take her to medical."

Sister Ingalls sighed. Gloria cursed under her breath.

 _Blood. Blood everywhere. The smell so intense she can taste it._

"Look, sometimes people feel like fighting, so they punch the walls. That would be the best case scenario, based on what I saw." Nicky swallowed against the coppery taste that might just be part of her imagination. Nails piercing her skin. Nicky's own blood added to the mix. "She might've cut herself."

Sister Ingalls and Mendoza stared at her, shock written over their features..

Nicky shifted uncomfortably, desperately wanting this conversation to be over.

"Okay, come on." Lorna, sensing her discomfort, grabbed her arms, pulling Nicky away from the horrified women. "Come dance with me."

Three months ago one look from Lorna would have calmed her down. Staring into those deep brown eyes, would have drawn out the images of blooded walls. Now, feeling the cold metal band around Lorna's finger on her arm, Nicky only found betrayal, so she looked the other way.

From the other side of the room, Angie looked back.

With more force than necessary, Nicky shook Lorna's hands off her. "Just give me one second, all right? I'll be right back."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Dialoque and scene are based on 4x13, there is a POV change from Nicky to Lorna for a few alinea's which is indicated by -.-.- and I must warn for mild sexual content (Please tell me if I need to change the rating to M, I wasn't sure)  
**

* * *

The past week had been an absolute hell. It wasn't the first time that Nicky had gone cold turkey on the drugs, neither was is the first time this happened in prison, but this time seemed worse than before. Add to the sleepless nights of severe nausea and fever the gruesome death of Washington and Nicky started wondering why she even wanted to quit. At least Burset had made it back to Litchfield. Nicky would never talk about it, but when she had seen the other woman in the cafeteria a huge weight had lifted from her shoulders. She hadn't realised just how much she had held herself responsible for what had happened. The relief Nicky felt was immense and she thought that this was what kept her from running to drugs again.

The emotions Nicky felt were contradicting in nature. Part of her wanted to sit in a corner and cry, or maybe shout at someone and break things to get rid of some of the anger. Another part wanted of her needed to run and laugh and give voice to the relief that it was over. She was clean, Burset alive. Right now, what else could she ask for?

It was this last part that took over when she and Lorna made their way towards the shed in the makeout alley. Lorna started talking about Poussey, the dead girl in the cafeteria, but Nicky wasn't fully paying attention. Instead she was more focused on the way Lorna's hand occasionally brushed against her own as they walked together. A burning sensation lingered where they touched and the warmth spread through Nicky's arm to her chest where her heart was beating so loudly that she was surprised Lorna couldn't hear it. She felt great, warm, a bit fuzzy and when she looked sideways to Lorna, who was still talking, a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. She stopped walking and watched as Lorna turned back to her, a questioning look on her face.

"What?"

Nicky hesitated. She wanted to kiss Lorna. Like properly kiss her, on the lips. Past her lips. She wanted to feel her, to taste her up there instead of down where she had always, inevitably, ended up. It was a rare desire not to want just sex, because of course she wanted that too, who wouldn't after such a long time alone. Nicky had never craved that kind of intimacy before. Not until she had gone to max. Now that they were standing here, in the makeout alley that Red had send them to, Nicky didn't know how to handle it. So she did what she always did when her insecurities were creeping up on her. Take control of the situation and turning it into one she could handle.

-.-.-

Lorna's breath hitched as fingers wriggled expertly past the waistband of her khakis and slid down between her legs. Part of her was shocked, unable to find the right response to what technically should be labeled as rape, if it weren't maybe for the other part of her that had missed this and desperately wanted to be touched. Her eyes fluttered shut and she breathed out almost in a moan. The delicious sensation of cold digits moving against her own heat made the tips of her ears tingle with shame of being so turned on so quickly.

Nicky was standing over her, was almost inside her. She was watching her intently through hooded eyes, her smirk that of a predator that had efficiently trapped his pray.

Somehow Nicky managed to move them even further up against the shed, closing Lorna off from the outside world. Nicky's head moved closer, eyes flicking over her face. She was all Lorna could see, feel, smell… It felt like drowning. Only Nicky could make her head spin like this. It was so different from her first time with Vincent.

Muccio.

Something snapped back into place.

"No no no no no no no!" Lorna writhed away from the hand touching her, feeling an immense relief and loss when Nicky pulled back.

"How many fucking times, Nichols. I am married!"

Her relief was immediately was disturbed by another wave of arousal as the girl still standing over her suggestively sucked her fingers.

-.-.-

"I'm clean." It wasn't an explanation. It was defense in advance.

"So.. I'm what? Your prize?"

Nicky nodded and hummed. The oh so familiar taste lingering on her tongue fueled her desire and made her bold. She bent forward, lips slightly parted, aiming for those red inviting-

"No." Morello moved away from the shed. Only now Nicky noticed that the smaller woman was shaking with anger.

Then something happened that had never happened before. Lorna started shouting at her. "What is it that you don't understand Nichols? I am married! We're having a baby!"

It was this comment that made Nicky snap out of her happy bubble. Earlier during lunch she hadn't made a comment on the baby thing, but now it was too much. "No, you're not, you know?" she scoffed gesturing that the whole idea was crazy. "You're not."

"Yes. I am." Lorna's face was contorted in anger as she hit Nicky hard on her arm emphasizing the last word.

Nicky stared at her, but Lorna wasn't finished.

"You, junkie… addict… liar!"

That was it. They were fighting, really fighting. Throwing insults at each other, bringing out all the frustrations of the past weeks. Until suddenly Lorna broke down and started crying.

"Are you happy now?"

Nicky scoffed. "Junkie addict liar, eh? Happy people are not that."

They stood there together, leaning against the fence. At first they both stubbornly looked the other way, but after a moment Lorna sighed and linked her arm with Nicky's showing her that she was not really angry. Silence settled over them, but neither minded the other not talking. Lorna thought about Vincent. Nicky thought about Lorna.

Of all the things they had once been doing, before Lorna had decided to throw that all away because of her imaginary relationship with Christopher, kissing was something that had rarely happened. Granted, most of the times Nicky's, and sometimes Lorna's, head had been too busy in a different place. Maybe they had included it in their intercourse sessions at the beginning, Nicky wasn't even sure. She had simply never felt the need to explore Morello's mouth when she could thoroughly explore the more interesting places of her body.

Over time it had become a silent agreement between the two of them. They had sex, they held hands in public, they hugged, but they would never kiss. Kissing was something for lovers. Being connected with the other so intimately would make it real. It would be the same as saying that they loved the other, which would ruin their arrangement. They were safe as long as they could still back away. No commitment. No need to worry about it afterwards, because there would be no risk of a break up.

That she wanted, needed, it right now bothered Nicky. She liked to believe that she never needed to be comforted. Now the only thing that would bring her comfort stood next to her, had even linked arms with her, but Nicky realised that this wouldn't be enough. What she needed was so close, had been so close until she blew her chance by being… well, being herself…

"Morello?"

"Yeah?"

"I ehm…" Nicky trailed off, eyes fixed on the grass she was crushing with her boot. She couldn't meet the other woman's gaze.

Lorna turned her head to look up at her.

"About what just happened…"

"Save it." The words sounded harsh, but her eyes were soft.

Nicky frowned. "But-"

"No, I mean it." Lorna unhooked her arm from Nicky's. "If you're going to apologise, you better do it properly."

"How-" But she was interrupted again.

"No." Lorna said resolutely. She unhooked her arm and grabbed the blanket from the grass, slinging it over her shoulder. "You need to figure that out yourself. "

And with those words she turned on her heels and walked back to join Red and the others, leaving a baffled Nicky alone with her thoughts.

* * *

 **AN:** **It's been a very long time since I updated this, but I found this chapter on my computer and finally found inspiration to finish it.  
If you like this story, or if you have any suggestions how to improve or continue this, please leave a comment!**


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